For Sara

So after my selfishness from yesterday wore off about 11:00 last night, I was still pretty upset about my life, so I decided that before I waste any more time wondering why....I should spend my time on better things. So I did my personal scripture reading. It has been something that I have really struggled with and I am finally getting back in the habit. So I was reading in 2 Nephi and it was talking about being blessed, and I decided that I am just not looking in the right direction. It is so easy to see the bad things that we often forget about the good things. I was reading my sisters and my sister in law's pages and I was just so....in shock, I mean these women have been through something that no person should ever have to go through...and I am complaining that my life is bad?? How is that fair? I mean...sure, today I am still a little sad that my life isn't where I want it to be...but isn't that because of the choices that I have made? I don't have the greatest relationship with my family...and I think it is partly because I haven't tried as hard as maybe I should be. I was thinking of my family though last night...and I have so many memries of one of my sisters in particular...Sara. When I was younger...I was a pain in the butt(hard to believe...I know!!!) But no matter how stupid I was being and immature...when I would get in a fight with my mom, it was always Sara that took me out. We didn't do anything like unforgettable...but she wanted to take me...she offered. She just wanted to help me. I also remember at Womens Conference in 2005, it was me, nana, mom, and Sara, and it was Sara that shared a room with me, and that went to all the classes that I wanted to go to...not because she wanted to go to the class, but because she wanted to be with me.

My entire life, I have felt that I am not as good as my siblings, that I don't quite belong. And yesterday, while I was thinking about old times...there were times that I wasn't as good as them, but it was because of me, not them. I am so glad that I have the chance to be a part of the family that I have. We may fight at times...but I know that no matter what is going on in their lives or in mine, they would kill for me, and I would do the same for them.

Last night I was saying my personal prayers...and I was just sobbing because I felt so touched. You know...like the feeling you get when someone hugs you. I just felt like my daddy was hugging me, I love my daddy more than anything, I mean...don't get me wrong, I love my mom too, I just was always a daddy's girl...and I don't think that my dad would be very happy with what I am doing with my life. I try not to let anyone know that something is wrong. I don't want anyone to tell me that I am wrong for feeling the way I do, but even when my dad tells me, it is different...I actually listen. Anyways....long story short...I had my awakening, so take advantage of it while it lasts...because it may not be for very long!!!